How Long, How Long Blues

Another seizure surprised me over the weekend.

This time, I had no warning. This time the feeling of tenseness in my back, the way my vision tunnels before it happens was missing. Usually, that's how I prepare myself for it - giving me just precious moments to prepare for the inevitable. But it didn't happen, and that leaves me more frightened than anything.

Instead of a warning there was just blackness and the feeling that the ground was giving way beneath me. Afterward, it was the same metallic taste in my mouth and the unbelievable exhaustion.

I don't want to go through this anymore.

I am so tired. So tired.

And I know deep down that the doctor visits are going to have to start up again.