Sometimes

After all this time my heart still occasionally gets hung in my throat.

I was sitting on my bed this morning, leaning down to put on my stockings. As I looked down I gasped. My porcelain colored legs... marred by bruises, covered in varying shades of green and purple splotches. My breath caught in my throat and the sobs wracked my body, it had been so long. I had almost forgotten.

This time, it really was from my clumsiness. This time, I really did fall. I really did run into the sharp corner of a dresser. This time, I didn't have to say that as an excuse to cover up the truth.

This time it was just a memory floating into the present... not a horror I was trying to repress.

I am finally getting used to being safe. I am finally getting used to being able to sleep without one eye open...

I am finally not afraid.

But it still hurts. It will never go away.