Help wanted

One secretary who is willing to answer my calls, not shop all day on the internet when I've asked him/her to do something, who actually calls to tell me when s/he will not be in the office, and will generally make my life easier - and not more difficult would be greatly appreciated.

And s/he should also be capable of doing my filing, making travel arragements for me, take messages from clients and not tell them "that {I} am obviously not in the office or {I} would have answered my own damn phone."

Salary and benefits negotiable depending on experience.

Any interested applicants please apply - as I am at the end of my rope.